A World Without You
by cyrographum
Summary: Chihiro, now sixteen years old, is trying to cope with her new life. She is suddenly whisked back to the Spirit World (much to her relief!), but is met with a world very different than the one she remembers.
1. Default Chapter

Author's Notes:  
  
Hi. This happens to be my very first fic ever, so be kind and gentle. I'm always looking for ways to improve, so reviews would be welcome. A few notes about the way in which this was written. I have tried to stay true to the spelling of the characters' names. If you find any errors, please let me know. Secondly, none of the place-names, descriptions, etc. are in Japanese because, well, I don't know Japanese. And I don't have time to learn it right now, as I am supposed to be writing a 15,000-word dissertation on ancient languages. Basically, this fic was one big attempt at procrastination. Hope you enjoy! -Cyrographum  
  
Disclaimer (applicable to all chapters!): I do not own Spirited Away. Well I do, in the sense that I own a DVD of it. But in the overall, producer-type owning, I don't make a single cent from this work and never will. Don't sue me, or I'll cry. A lot. 


	2. Preface

Haku watched as the young girl ran towards the old amusement park building, her ponytail trailing down her shirt. He sighed with relief to see that she had kept her promise: she had not looked back once. He knew it would be hard for her; the temptation to see everyone she cared about one last time. His mouth curved into a slight smile; it was just the way that Chihiro was. And he loved that about her.  
  
As she disappeared into the darkness of the tunnel, he turned to walk back to the bathhouse. Haku clenched his fists with determination. The young River God had a few things to get off his chest to his former employer. But as he took several steps, a shuddering 'clap' of thunder rumbled across the land. He whirled, dark hair flying, as he turned to look back at the building into which Chihiro had disappeared. Another clap of thunder, like the slamming of a great door, echoed across the placid blue sky and it reverberated through his very core, causing the River God to fall to his knees in shock and pain. And then there was nothing; the absence of noise, the absence of any sort of feeling whatsoever.  
  
Haku watched in shock as snow and ice began to cover the green grass before him. The sky, previously clear, was churning with dark clouds. The clouds rolled over the Spirit town and the Bathhouse, accompanied by fierce winds and a biting cold he could never remember feeling in this realm as long as he had existed.  
  
Something had gone terribly, terribly wrong. As he rushed back to the Bathhouse, he only hoped that Chihiro had made it safely across the barrier between the two worlds. 


	3. Shadows

A lanky figure sat quietly on the porch steps of the town's old post office. Rain poured down along her long braid of brown hair, turning it a mixture of darker shades. The hood to her raincoat had fallen, rendered useless by gravity, but the owner- a teenage girl- didn't seem to care. Her eyes, a deep cinnamon color, were framed with thick lashes. Rivulets of rain trickled down her high cheekbones, dripping off her chin like tears. She drew in the mud with a stick, ignoring the rain splashing around her.  
  
"Happy birthday to me." she smiled wryly, drawing a tiny image of a birthday cake. She erased it with a scribble and sighed. It was true, today was her sixteenth birthday, but she didn't really care. She stood, not bothering to tie her raincoat around her. It had been raining for days and days. The main streets that ran through her little town were becoming flooded. The drains and ditches were clogged with wind-blown leaves and branches, leaving huge puddles in the middle of the road.  
  
Chihiro walked slowly through the middle of one of the puddles. She ignored the stares from the several passing neighbors who had dared to brave the torrential downpours. She knew they were muttering to one another in disapproving tones, "That girl is too old to be acting like that. She should know better."  
  
"Oh but you must remember, her mother died only a short while ago."  
  
"That is no reason to go around acting like a child! She's nearly old enough to go off to the university. And there she is, playing in the mud!"  
  
"What a strange girl!"  
  
And so on.  
  
* * *  
  
Chihiro ignored the whispers and the stares and concentrated on her shoes, which were slowly filling with rainwater. Ripples swept away from her old yellow sneakers as she swished through the water. The simple action reminded her of the train tracks in the Spirit World, when she had left the bathhouse to visit Zeniba. These days, memories of the Spirit World were the only things that lifted Chihiro's heart anymore. She had kept the entire adventure a complete secret for the past six years, never telling the story to the few friends she kept at school.  
  
She gently pushed open the door of the darkened house, removing her sopping shoes and placing them in the back hallway. She shrugged out of her long raincoat and hung it on the coat rack, taking care to wipe the excess water off the floor with an old towel. Ever since her adventure in the Spirit World and her employment in the bathhouse, Chihiro had taken extra care to make things neat and clean. It filled her with a sense of pride in her work, as well as a feeling of control. Which mean more now than ever.  
  
The house was cool and dark. Chihiro opened the windows in the kitchen to allow the smell of the wet grass and leaves into the house; her father always scolded her for leaving the windows open, but he wouldn't be home for another hour. She sighed, wrapping an apron around her thin waist. 'He seems to come home later and later these days.' she thought, gazing out into the small garden. As she prepared dinner, her mind wandered to its most comfortable place: memories of her friends in the Spirit World.  
  
'Snap out of it, girl.' She firmly told herself as she reached up into a cupboard for a mixing bowl. 'It wasn't all fun and games, you remember that. In fact, you spent most of the time in a constant state of panic.'  
  
True. But those moments with Haku seemed to dull all the other moments of fear and pain and exhaustion that she had felt. Without her realization, her cheeks began to burn with a feeling that she was all too familiar with and she busied herself with the dough before her. 'And how much longer are you going to wait?' A voice inside of her demanded.  
  
But she realized, as she closed the windows against the darkness outside, that she had nothing else to do but wait.  
  
* * *  
  
"I'm home." A tired, male voice sounded from the hallway as the door opened and closed. Chihiro had just finished the dinner and was setting the table. Two plates, two sets of cutlery, two glasses. The table seemed too big for just two people.  
  
Chihiro's father walked into the kitchen, his exhaustion showing clearly in the lines on his face. Chihiro put on her best smile for him, contrary to what her heart felt. "Hi Dad, how was work?" she removed her apron and hung it in the pantry as her father rummaged in the refrigerator for a beer, then sat at the table across from her.  
  
"Same old." He sighed, reaching for the rice. "How was school?"  
  
"Fine." The teenager lied. That same day, Chihiro had been given two warnings by her teacher about her slipping marks in composition and music. But lately, it seemed like words and notes of music just couldn't live up to her colorful memories.  
  
The rest of the night was just like every other night they spent together. They made light conversation through dinner; afterwards Chihiro cleaned up the plates while her father watched television in the other room. She said goodnight to him, kissed him gently on the cheek while he stared, unblinking, at the television.  
  
* * *  
  
Chihiro sighed as she closed the door to her room softly. She removed her school uniform and changed into a cotton skirt and tank top; the days of rain brought nights of fierce humidity to her small town and she blew sticky strands of hair out of her face. She sat on the edge of her bed, slowly unraveling the long braid of hair over her shoulder. Rain splashed against the roof, trickling down her window and casting dark shadows across the girl's room. Lately, she had found the darkness comforting and rarely switched on the warm bedroom lights anymore. As she ran her hands through her hair, her lips quivered as she returned to the same thoughts that plagued her every night.  
  
'Why can't I go back?'  
  
She remembered the day with clarity, when she had run as fast as she could, tears streaking down her face, towards the long tunnel that led to the Spirit World and her fondest memories. It had felt exactly like striking a brick wall and the force of an invisible barrier had momentarily stunned her. Thrown back against the dirt road, the girl swept dusty tendrils of dark hair out of her eyes, her hands and knees scraped. She couldn't remember how long she had sat there on that silent road, in the middle of the old forest, sobbing into her scraped hands at the unfairness of it all.  
  
'Maybe they don't want me to return.' It would not be the first time the thought had occurred to her. Perhaps they had forgotten her; perhaps Haku didn't need her anymore.  
  
Chihiro was startled back into the present by a cracking sound outside of her bedroom window. She frowned, rising to lean against the desk and peer out. Through the rivulets of rain that ran down the windowpane, she could see that the drainpipe on the side of the house was cracking under the weight of rainwater. Her eyes traveled down the pipe, to the drain at the edge of the garden and saw what the problem was: wet leaves were clogging the drain.  
  
"Hell." She cursed, hurrying down to the garden.  
  
* * *  
  
The clouds parted above her and moonlit began to filter down into the backyard. She sighed with momentary contentment as a light wind lifted her hair off her neck gently. She bent down to clear the drain of the damp, sodden leaves; she pulled them out with quick, digging motions, tossing them into a bucket on the porch. A pool of water that had collected on the small path began to diminish quickly. The water that had lapped her ankles began to recede down to tops of her feet. She gazed for a moment, entranced by the moon's reflection on the rippling water. It seemed as though the moon was trembling above her. Her mind was swept away once more into her memories of that night in Swamp Bottom and all the times she had watched the sun rise over the vast ocean that had formed from the rainfall in the Spirit World.  
  
"This can't be normal, Chihiro." She scolded herself quietly, picking up the bucket of leaves and making her way across the lawn to dump them in the corner of the garden. "Normal people do not fantasize day and night about the Spirit World."  
  
She sighed, stretching her back and placing the bucket next to an old shed. Her feet were dirty and would have to be washed. The thin skirt and tank top were already becoming damp in the wet air and her hair, which she had tied up firmly with her beloved hair tie before entering the garden, was beginning to frizz in the humid air. As she turned to walk back into the house, she heard a rustle in the bushes behind her.  
  
Frowning, she turned. She barely had time to turn her head slightly before she felt a rush of frigid air and dark arms snaked around her mouth and waist, dragging her back into the shadows of the garden's edges. Her eyes wide with fright, Chihiro tried to scream with all her might. The thing that covered her face didn't feel much like a normal hand, but she was too frightened to speculate on that. She wrestled against the powerful binds, her bare feet kicking up mud and leaves around her.  
  
"Hurry up," a dark voice behind her urged, sending chills through her struggling body. Chihiro bared her teeth and bit into the hand that was muffling her and an acid, burning taste filled her mouth. The hand moved quickly, but before she could draw a breath to scream, something very heavy and painful hit her in the back of the head and the shadowy evening of the garden faded into a very black, very silent darkness.  
  
Before her eyes closed, she caught another voice saying something altogether odd: "She bit me! Rin had better give me good compensation for this." 


	4. Faded Return

Chihiro groaned at the voices drilling into the unconscious darkness that she had previously inhabited alone. Her mouth was dry and tasted extraordinarily bad, as though she had been eating rotten fruit. Her eyes were heavy and she wasn't sure if she wanted to open them; the last thing she remembered was fear. And a lot of pain.  
  
"Are you dead, human?"  
  
Chihiro frowned, shading her eyes as she tested out her limbs by flexing them gently. "No, I'm not dead. Thanks for caring." She remarked sarcastically, sitting up slowly. "Owch." She rubbed her head and looked around. She was lying on a bench in the cool recesses of the old train station, at the entrance to the Spirit World. Or rather, past the entrance. Her heart began to race. She was back.  
  
Chihiro whirled to face her assailants, who were hovering near the back of the bench. As she surveyed them, she found that their forms were familiar: they were the life-sized, frog-faced workers from the Bathhouse of the Gods. Over their old bathhouse uniforms, they wore coats made of a thick material, and thin moustaches hung limply over their smirking wide mouths.  
  
Ignoring her shaking legs, Chihiro leapt to her feet. "Who are you? Why did you kidnap me?"  
  
The workers looked at one another, grins widening. "It was on her orders. She wanted to see Sen."  
  
"She told us to come into the stinky Human world and find you!"  
  
"So we did!"  
  
Chihiro grumbled, rubbing the back of her head. "That sounds like Yu- Baaba." Her heart leapt as she realized that she would be returning to the Bathhouse, where her friends were. Where Haku was. "What does she want from me?" Chihiro straightened, inwardly proud that she was a great deal taller than she had been during her last visit.  
  
"You can ask her when you see her." The two frogs motioned towards the train station door and as Chihiro turned, she was surprised to see snow blowing across the once-green field that separated the Spirit World from the Human World. 'I didn't know they had seasons here. Well, that would make sense. ' She chastised herself for not thinking more logically. She also noted that while it had been night in her world, it seemed to be late day in the Spirit Realms.  
  
"Come on, she wants you at the bathhouse before nightfall. At least don't smell anymore! We've been sneaking you Spirit food for days now, through the open windows in your house."  
  
Chihiro frowned. The frog-faced workers seemed awfully pleased with themselves. They seemed to have everything planned out. She just wished they hadn't felt the need to give her a concussion.  
  
* * *  
  
As they stepped out of the train station, the freezing temperatures immediately assaulted Chihiro with full force. The thin skirt, tiny tank top and bare feet were of absolutely no help in the wintry world.  
  
"Wow. it's cold!" She clenched her teeth, rubbing her arms and stamping her feet slightly to keep the blood flowing.  
  
As they crossed the white, barren field, her memories drifted to the day when she had crossed the field with her parents six years ago. It had been warm and sunny that day, as they made their fateful way past the crumbling, stone sculptures of ancient Gods. And she remembered how warm the nights had been: calm, soothing warmth that made this blistering cold weather even more unbelievable. Now, dark clouds churned in the east and a bitter wind blew, foretelling of colder temperatures ahead. There was a thick layer of snow covering the high grass that lay between the small amusement town and the main building.  
  
She glanced back at the workers, who were grimacing with the cold as well. "It's been like this for awhile." The larger one nodded towards the steps on the other side. "We'd better go, the river will start filling soon." Chihiro tried to ignore her increasingly numb feet as she followed the frogs across the stony river bottom. "You could have warned me to bring a coat, you know. Or even a pair of shoes!" She muttered as she slipped across the frosty stone and snow.  
  
The frog-faced workers rushed her through the darkened town, not giving her much of a chance to reminisce on her trip years ago. As they turned a corner, the Bathhouse came into view and Chihiro felt a warm cord of happiness and excitement ring in her heart. 'I'm finally back.' She thought, looking up at the decadently painted building with shining eyes. 'Everything will be okay now.'  
  
* * *  
  
As they hurried across the snow-covered bridge, Chihiro was surprised to see that the front door of the bathhouse was being opened for them. 'Well really, you didn't expect to enter through the boiler room again, did you? ' She asked herself. Hopefully, there would be time to visit Kamajii later.  
  
Her feet were frozen as she stepped through the tall doors, breathing a sigh of relief as waves of the bathhouse's misty warmth washed over her. She sat at the edge of the steps, which led to the main hall, rubbing her toes to get some feeling back into them.  
  
The first thing she noticed, after her feet thawed, was the silence. She frowned; it had been early evening when they had reached the entrance to the Bathhouse. And yet, the lamps were not lit, the welcoming committee had been absent and the warm chatter from the workers and customers was distinctly absent.  
  
' Maybe they're on holiday. Does Yu-Baaba give holidays?' She mused as she looked up into the dusty rafters. 'I doubt it.'  
  
"This way, Human." The frog-worker beckoned and she winced, as pins and needles raced up her legs, rising to follow him.  
  
As she walked along the corridor of the bathhouse, she began to get the feeling that business was clearly not booming as well as it had been during her last visit. In fact, business did not seem to be booming at all. The rooms, once filled with the laughter and conversation of the bathing Gods, were dark and empty. Few workers could be seen, dusting here and there in a futile attempt to give life to something that was obviously no longer alive.  
  
"Um." she cleared her throat as the frog-worker glanced back at her. "Where's Haku?" she asked hopefully, unable to keep her questions to herself any longer.  
  
The frog-worker blinked and turned to his partner, who shook his head slightly. They continued without a word.  
  
Chihiro was alarmed by this reaction and she screeched to a halt. "Where is he?" her heart was falling slowly into her stomach as she imagined the horrible things Yu-baaba might have done to the River God since her departure. "Where's Haku?!"  
  
The frog-workers stopped and turned, "Listen, Human. All we know is that he left and didn't come back. Just like everyone else who left."  
  
The girl blinked with confusion. "What are you talking about? Left? Where did he go? Is he all right?"  
  
"She can answer your questions better than us." The worker nodded at the elevator to Yu-baaba's apartments. "You'd better go." And with that, they disappeared down a long corridor of the bathhouse, muttering to themselves about humans who bite.  
  
Chihiro wavered for a moment, her thoughts immersed with fear for her friend. 'Something's wrong. In fact, a whole lot of things are wrong around here.'  
  
She looked around the silent, misty bathhouse with growing trepidation. Realizing that only one person could answer her questions, Chihiro stepped into the elevator and pulled the lever. 


	5. The Truth be Told

The doors of the apartments seemed faded and Chihiro was surprised that Yu- baaba, who clearly prized herself on her wealth, had let things decline in such a manner. She placed her hands on the doorknobs, expecting the golden doorknocker to come alive and scream insults at her. But the door remained lifeless and the hallway silent. Biting her lip, the girl pushed open the door and poked her head in.  
  
"Hello?" she tried to speak in a strong tone, but only succeeded in croaking shakily. She cleared her throat. "Yu-baaba!!" She called, walking along the ornately decorated hallway. She expected to be yanked to the main suite by sneaking, magical hands at any moment and became increasingly suspicious when nothing happened. 'Where is she? I thought she'd be jumping at a chance to scare the daylights out of me by now.' Chihiro thought to herself, a frown on her face.  
  
She wandered down the hall, her bare feet cold against the ocean-blue tiles. She rubbed her arms, which had acquired permanent goose bumps since the trip through the icy Spirit World earlier. The hall was dark, like the rest of the Bathhouse, and smelled faintly of dust and soot. Chihiro noticed a darkened stain on the floor, towards the middle of the hall, and hurried towards it. As she bent down, she saw that the blue tiles had been scorched, turning them a dusty black. She was reaching out a pale hand to brush across the spot when a voice from behind startled her.  
  
"Sen!"  
  
Chihiro jumped, losing her balance and fell backwards onto the cold tiles. Her head, still sore from the frog-workers, smacked dully against the floor hard enough to bring tears to her eyes. "OW." She looked up from her position to find Rin, her old friend and partner, staring down at her with a look of bemusement. "Rin!"  
  
"Still as clumsy as ever." The young woman grinned, holding out her hand.  
  
"Am not." Chihiro groaned, accepting her friend's hand and sitting up. "You just scared me half to death." She stood up slowly, rubbing her sore skull, mildly concerned that she would have brain damage before the day was done. "Rin, what's going on? Where's Haku? And where is Yubaaba? And what are you doing up here? And why is the bathhouse empty? And-" her slew of questions seemed to startle the young attendant.  
  
"Whoa, Sen, slow down. I'll answer all your questions, I promise. Come with me." Rin led Chihiro down the corridor, into a warmly lit kitchen.  
  
* * *  
  
Rin paused to rub her hands together over the fire that crackled on the hearth. The decorative tiles that framed the fireplace had long since faded. Chihiro couldn't resist the feeling that the very life, the essence, had gone out of the bathhouse; out of the walls themselves.  
  
"Here, put these on." Rin handed a large pile of clothing to Chihiro. "You must be freezing."  
  
The teenager gratefully accepted the clothing, which she noted had changed from the pink uniform she had grown so accustomed to wearing before. The girls seemed to have planned accordingly for the cold; the old uniforms had been replaced with long cloaks and warm skirts. The colors were cheerful, but the attempt seemed to fail in the freezing Spirit World. Chihiro took the top piece of clothing, a warm cloak, and wrapped it around her chilled frame.  
  
"You've grown up." Rin cocked her head, smiling as Chihiro tied the waist of the cloak. "You're still awfully puny though."  
  
Chihiro attempted a smile, but her mind was on other things. "Please tell me what's going on."  
  
Rin's eyes changed as she studied Chihiro. "I was going to leave explanations until tomorrow, until you'd had some rest, but you don't seem interested in that."  
  
Chihiro sat gingerly in the armchair opposite Rin. "I expected Yubaaba to be here. I thought she had sent the frogs to kidnap me from my world."  
  
Rin frowned. "The frogs didn't tell you anything?"  
  
"No." Chihiro raised an eyebrow. "They hit me on the head and knocked me out and the next thing I know, I'm here."  
  
"THEY KNOCKED YOU OUT?" Rin exploded, startling Chihiro. "Why those two- faced, rotten, fat-headed.when I get my hands on them, I swear they'll be."  
  
"Rin. Rin!" Chihiro tried to interrupt the woman's rant. "Forget about it. But please tell me what has happened?" She bit her lip hesitantly. "Is Haku really missing?" her voice was soft.  
  
Rin studied the girl's worried expression and nodded, taking her seat once again. "So is Yubaaba, if you hadn't guessed by now. They've been missing for awhile now, Sen. At first, we tried to find them ourselves. But with the little magic we have between the lot of us, it wasn't very helpful. We've lost so many." her normally-bright eyes faded and lines appeared where there were none.  
  
"What happened, Rin?" Chihiro's voice lowered almost to a whisper, for she was almost afraid to ask the question herself.  
  
"It happened on the day you left us." The woman stared into the fire, her eyes troubled. "The weather turned cold and the snow began to fall." She gestured to the windows. "In all my time here, it has never snowed in the Spirit World. For awhile, we went about business like normal. Haku remained with Yu-baaba, as her apprentice. But he refused to do any of her dirty work. But the weather grew worse, the customers stopped coming and Yu-baaba had to shut down the Bathhouse. She devoted all her time and effort into trying to find out what was happening to the weather. I must say, as much as I hate the old hag, she really did try hard to find the answers. One night, she asked Haku to go on a mission for her. We all assume it had to do with what was happening to the Spirit Realms. He never returned. Days later, Yu-baaba flew away. That was the last we saw of either of them."  
  
Chihiro's worry was evident on her face. She chewed a nail, her thoughts flying. "What about Zeniba?"  
  
"No one's been able to contact her either. Obviously none of us can leave the bathhouse to go to Swamp Bottom and make sure- we're all bound to the premises by our contracts- but Kamaji is certain that she is gone as well. Probably taken by the same forces that took away Yubaaba. And. Haku."  
  
"We used the last bit of our magic to break the wards on the contracts of those two frog-faced idiots and send them into the Human Realm. I would have gone myself, but their contracts were the least important, thus the least binding. I didn't actually think it would work." Rin marveled with a faint smile. "But I'm glad you're here."  
  
The room was silent for the first time since their conversation began. Chihiro could hear the winds howling beyond the dusty panes of glass. She felt exhausted by the amount of information she had just been given. Exhausted and terrified. The warm feeling she had experienced at her first sight of the Bathhouse had crumbled into tiny shards of ice that pierced her stomach.  
  
Rin noted the look on her friend's face and nodded. "I know, it's a lot to digest. Listen, we'll talk more tomorrow. You look exhausted. You should get some rest."  
  
* * *  
  
Despite the lack of customers, the bathhouse was still on the same schedule it had kept during Chihiro's earlier stay. The servants rose with the moon and fell asleep to the sunrise. Since Rin was now essentially running the Bathhouse, she had given Chihiro a luxurious room in Yu-baaba's grand apartment.  
  
"Why not take full advantage of it while it lasts?" the older girl had joked with a faint twinkle in her eye. Chihiro had to smile as she imagined Yu-baaba's expression at seeing servants sleep in her beds and eat her food.  
  
Chihiro pulled the heavy curtains shut over the tall windows, shutting out the drab light of the snowy day. She clung to the thick fabric, as if it were the last connection to a reality that existed on that early, winter morning in the Spirit World. Her thoughts traveled to the same place they had been since her arrival in the realm: Haku.  
  
'I suppose I should call him Kohaku now.' She mused, wrapping a thick rope around her slim hand thoughtfully, twirling the velvety strands between her fingers. 'I wonder if he even remembers me; it's been four of my years, but Rin said that time has passed much faster here.'  
  
The girl sighed, turning to face that magnificent suite that she now occupied.  
  
Chihiro sat on the giant bed and her small frame was practically engulfed in the luxurious down comforter. The bed was terribly comfortable and for a moment, she could picture herself collapsing against the velvety pillows and surrendering to long, uninterrupted sleep forever.  
  
But Haku's face filled her memory, his tearfully thankful eyes as they fell through the clouds those four years ago. The knot that had formed in her stomach clenched tighter and Chihiro lay back against the big pillows, her eyes vacant and staring, her worry clawing at her insides. Sleep would not come that day, nor the next. 


	6. Decisions

Decisions  
  
"But she can leave the bathhouse without consequence. She isn't bound by the laws of this realm!"  
  
Rin scowled, her eyes reflecting the bright fire on the hearth in Yu- baaba's office. Outside, a whirlwind of snow and ice assaulted the glass windows, howling in the night. "No way, Frog-face." She glared at the keeper of the tokens, the old frog who Sen had tricked during her first stay. "We don't even know what's out there. I'm not sending a defenseless child into the wilderness, without a map, without a guide and without a clue as to what she is doing!"  
  
"I beg your pardon, but I am not a defenseless child." A soft voice came from the doorway. "I'm sixteen."  
  
Rin jerked her head around to face Chihiro, who was standing quietly in the shadows. "Sen! That's. that's not what I meant." Her frustration was evident on her ageless face. She swept her long hair back, an act to occupy her nervous hands. "I meant."  
  
"I know what you meant." Chihiro sighed, coming into the light. She nodded slightly at the frog, who bowed stiffly to her. Her hazel eyes traveled to the windows, which were being assaulted by a barrage of snow and wind. "But it's certainly not getting any better out there."  
  
Rin sighed heavily, falling back into Yubaaba's chair. "I know, I know."  
  
Chihiro bit her finger, gazing into the whirling snow. She felt wrong standing in the warmth, knowing that precious minutes were ticking by. She had spent the past few hours thinking and worrying, going without sleep. And she knew that no sleep could be had until she had done something about the problem at hand. She turned to the frog, who was nervously wringing his hat. "Do you have any idea what might have happened to Yu-baaba and Huku?"  
  
"We've sent scouts out of the bathhouse to look for them. We've run out of magic to bend contracts. No one has returned." Rin folded her arms on Yu- baaba's desk, her eyes troubled.  
  
Chihiro brought herself to ask the question that had been tormenting her for hours. "How. how do we know they aren't dead? Can spirits die?" she mused aloud.  
  
Rin hesitated. "Death is different for spirits, Chihiro. It's difficult to explain, but let's just say that there is a point when we cease to exist. But Yu-baaba and Zeniba are still alive; we know that."  
  
'And Haku?' The thought rang through her heart with alarm. "How?"  
  
"If Yu-baaba died, her contracts would fail and we would be free." She said with a tinge of regret. "And she cannot exist without her sister, as much as she would have us believe otherwise. We assume that Boh is with her as well." She bit her lip, referring to Yu-baaba's colossal baby.  
  
Chihiro walked closer to the windows, peering out into the dark, spinning snow. She could barely make out the balcony. Bursts of icy air escaped through the windowpanes, sending tiny shivers up her back. 'I knew I'd have a part in this, but I didn't think it would be alone.' She thought, trepidation filling her mind as she looked out into the blizzard. 'Oh Haku.I'd give anything to have you here right now.'  
  
"I wouldn't think of sending you out there, Sen." Rin began.  
  
"I'll go." The girl turned, her long braid falling over one shoulder. Her mouth was set in a thin line, but Rin could see the fear mounting behind those deep eyes.  
  
"Absolutely not!" the older girl slammed a hand down on the desk, rising to her feet. "It's too dangerous! You have no idea what is out there. You have no magic, no powers, no Sight. You're just a."  
  
"A what, Rin?" Anger flashed in Chihiro's eyes as she studied her friend. "A puny human? A silly child? You've been in these chambers too long, because you're beginning to sound just like Yubaba!! Those are names she used to call me!"  
  
Rin opened her mouth to reply, but Chihiro cut her off. "You're right, I'm not bound by the laws of this realm. I'm the only one who can help Yu-baaba, Zeniba and Haku. You know what's happening; you can see the weather as well as I. The spirits have stopped crossing the river, the magic is seeping out of the bathhouse and you're all going to perish if I don't do something!" she finished, taking a deep breath. "I'm not crazy, Rin. I don't want to go out there, into that mess, "she indicated to the window. "But I have to. I don't have a choice, I'm the only one who can go."  
  
Rin was silent; the only sound was the fire crackling on the hearth. She studied the girl before her, who stood tall against the dark windows. Her eyes belied fear, but also determination. Her fists were clenched tightly, small though they were.  
  
Rin closed her eyes tightly for a moment, then opened them. "Sen. you're right. I'm sorry." Her eyes fell. "I'm just worried about you. You're my friend and I don't want you to be hurt, or worse. I don't think you are weak; of all the workers I've been paired with, you were the most determined, even if you were not the strongest. I have faith in you, Sen, but I don't know what's out there. No one does."  
  
Chihiro's fists unclenched and she felt regret at yelling at her friend. "Rin." she sighed. "You brought me here for a reason. You can't deny that."  
  
"I know. I know I did." The older girl whispered, suddenly enveloping Chihiro in a giant bear hug. "I just wish there was some other way."  
  
Chihiro returned the hug, thinking of all the times she had thought those exact same words. "No one does, Rin. But I can't stay here, doing nothing, when I know that my friends are in trouble."  
  
* * *  
  
As the blustery night grew to a close, Chihiro sat in her old spot on the balcony, staring out over the Spirit World. The edge of dawn showed on the horizon, touching on memories from Chihiro's last visit. It seemed like a million years ago that she had sat on this balcony, watching the sunrise after a long night of work. She shivered in the cold wind, looking across the frosty land. The storm had ceased, but dark, threatening clouds still loomed on the horizon.  
  
"Hey. I swiped you a dumpling."  
  
Chihiro looked up at surprise to see Rin holding out a fat, warm dumpling. She was grinning. "Wow, that brings back memories." Chihiro returned her smile and reached out to take the dumpling.  
  
Rin sat down next to her, her long black hair resting behind her like a curtain. The older girl watched Chihiro with serious eyes. "So how are things, Sen?"  
  
The teenager smiled wanly. "Rin, you can call me by my real name. It's Chihiro." Those words seemed to echo flatly over the wind-swept ice plains, reminding her of warmer, happier times.  
  
Rin gazed out across the plains. "I know, they told me after you left. I can't help but call you Sen; it's habit. You don't mind?"  
  
Chihiro shook her head, watching as tendrils of sunlight began to peek over the snowy land. "I'm worried about Haku, Rin. And Zeniba. Heck, I'm even worried about Yu-baaba."  
  
"I meant with you. How are things? You've grown up so fast."  
  
Chihiro blinked and turned to her friend. She thought back to the empty, dark house in her dark, unfriendly town, where her father stared, expressionless, at the television set. She thought of drab white roses, the kind that had covered her mother's casket, and how she still didn't understand so many things about life, about death, and everything in between. But from all these thoughts came the muted reply, "Oh. I don't know, they're okay." Her eyes fell to the wood of the balcony and she slowly traced it with her finger.  
  
Rin studied her. "You seem different, Sen." She shrugged and looked away. "Then again, we're all different. We've had to change, and not for the best either. I'm worried about things too. The weather is getting worse, almost as if it reflects what is happening in the bathhouse."  
  
Chihiro sighed and reached up to pull the hair tie from her long braid. She stared at it, thinking. Where are you, Granny? I've got to find you.  
  
Long fingers raking through her hair interrupted her thoughts. "Wow, Sen, look at your hair!"  
  
Rin was gushing behind her, unraveling Chihiro's braid. "It's grown so long! You should leave it down." Chihiro smiled and watched as a flock of birds rose from the wintry plain like a cloud of white smoke. 


	7. Solitude

"Maps! And supplies! And warm clothes!"  
  
The bathhouse was churning with busy servants, all preparing items for Chihiro's journey. The servant girls were rushing about, gathering the warmest bits of clothing for the teeanger. "No no, way too big."  
  
"No, she's taller than you, buffoon!"  
  
"Any warm boots?"  
  
"I've got some!"  
  
Chihiro stood in the main hall, surrounded by several frogs and Rin. A large table had been brought up and maps had been laid out upon it.  
  
"I had no idea the Spirit Realm was this big!" Chihiro bit back a gulp of surprise as she looked over the large pieces of parchment, faintly colored to denote water and land masses. "Where are we?"  
  
The frog pointed to a small dot towards the top of one of the maps. "That's us. You'll see the train tracks, heading south. When Yu-baaba left, she flew off to the east." Chihiro studied the map. On the eastern part of map where the frog worker pointed, the land came to a halting end. A great ocean, larger than the one that had appeared after the long days and nights of rain during her previous visit, spanned beyond the limits of the parchment.  
  
"She flew to the ocean?"  
  
The frog shrugged. "We don't know. I can't see any reason for her to go to the sea."  
  
"What are these?" Chihiro pointed to a series of marks on the land near the ocean.  
  
"Those are the Cliffs of Lost Souls. No one here has ever seen them, but there is rumor that they are littered with the graves of spirits whose shrines have been destroyed." Chihiro shivered, staring at the map, thinking back to the small stone houses that lay, forgotten, on the side of the road that lead to the amusement park.  
  
On the other side of the hall, Rin was supervising the preparation of Chihiro's rations. She frowned, well aware that if the weather didn't turn soon, they would all be running out of food in the Bathhouse.  
  
"Rin." A voice interrupted her thoughts.  
  
She turned, "Oh, Kamajii. I was hoping you would come up."  
  
Kamajii pulled Rin aside with one of his long, spidery arms. "What have you told her?" he spoke quietly, his bespectacled eyes intent upon her.  
  
"I've told her everything." The young woman leaned against the wooden wall, her arms crossed, eyes never quite meeting his.  
  
"Everything?" he pressed.  
  
"Oh Kamajii, leave it. I've told her what she needs to know. She's going, isn't she?" Rin's voice held a degree of cautious hope. "We have a chance."  
  
"But at what cost? Surely you should tell her what Haku told you."  
  
Rin stabbed furiously at Kamajii with a finger. "Leave it, Kamajii. I'm warning you, leave it alone." Her eyes glinted with unspoken warning. "Or do you want to be the one to tell her, to break her heart like that?"  
  
"I only think it might be wise." he mumbled, turning away.  
  
"It might not be true, anyway." Rin offered lamely.  
  
* * *  
  
Chihiro watched silently as the workers gathered her supplies together, racing around the kitchen and storerooms for items to stuff into the small pack.  
  
"Is that my granddaughter?" A kind voice caused her to turn.  
  
"Kamajii!" in all the haste and concern, she had forgotten about the old boiler man. Guilt edging into her consciousness, Chihiro wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "I'm sorry I didn't visit you. Things happened so quickly."  
  
Kamajii nodded. "No need for apologies, Chihiro. I understand." He glanced at Rin, who turned quickly and busied herself with a package of rice balls. ""They seem to have things under control here. Why don't you come down to the boiler room? I have something to give you." The teenager was glad to oblige, leaving the shouting and arguing behind her to descend into the depths of the bathhouse with the old boiler man.  
  
The tiny soot balls chirped with joy upon seeing her duck through the small servants' entry to the boiler room. They rushed towards her and she sat on the edge of the wooden platform, delighted to feel the soft tickling of the soot balls against her bare feet. As she looked around, she saw that the great copper boilers, usually hissing and glowing with heat, were cold and unused. No steam roared from the furnaces. The room was dark and cold.  
  
"They've missed you." Kamajii remarked with a smile, settling into his seat.  
  
Chihiro grinned. "I've missed everyone, Kamajii. It's nice to be back. even though things are so different." Her smile faded and her eyes grew distant as she thought of the journey ahead of her. "Oh Kamajii, I'm so worried." She looked up at him, her eyes brave but lip trembling. The boiler man sighed deeply. "I don't like this plan one bit, Chihiro. I must admit."  
  
Chihiro stood, facing Kamajii. "There's no other way." She spoke quietly, but firmly. "You know there isn't."  
  
He studied her quietly. "You've really grown up. Haku. he would have been so happy to see you."  
  
Chihiro's stomach flipped. 'They talk about him as if he is dead.' she cut herself off from pursuing that thought any further. "I wish he was here." She admitted, twirling her long braid with her hand thoughtfully. "He would know what to do."  
  
"He missed you very much, Chihiro. He was a different person after you gave him his name back. Much more enjoyable to be around." The boiler man smiled. "Now about the items I have for you." Kamaji reached his long arm over to a drawer on the top of the shelves. He fumbled around inside for a moment, his dark glasses masking the look on his face. Finally, he produced a pair of bracelets, which shone brightly in the fire of the boilers.  
  
Chihiro took a step closer, the soot balls crowding around her feet, murmuring softly. The bracelets looked small in Kamaji's great hand, but they glinted dangerously. They were covered in strange symbols, which glowed with the deep red of many tiny rubies. A gasp escaped Chihiro's mouth as she looked at them, her eyes filled with wonder.  
  
"Oh Kamaji..they're beautiful." She breathed.  
  
"Beautiful, but dangerous." Kamaji's hand closed over them briefly and his dark glasses reflected the dim light of the lamp. "It's funny, I can't remember how I came to hold them. They've been in that top drawer for ages now, left here by the previous occupant."  
  
Chihiro's mind whirled. 'Previous occupant? How long ago was that?'  
  
"They hold a power, my child. The story goes: there was once a young sorceress, very powerful, who lived in the Spirit Realm. She created the bracelets in order to give her great powers. She used these powers for good and for evil, until finally one outweighed the other."  
  
Chihiro felt as though she were doing a word puzzle in school. She knew what Kamaji was saying, yet couldn't quite grasp the whole idea. "Will these help me to find Yubaaba?" she asked, hope filling her voice.  
  
"They may." Kamaji looked away. "And they may not. I am afraid, more afraid than I have been in a long time, Chihiro. I cannot see the future and by giving you these bracelets, I fear that I may upset what has already become unbalanced."  
  
"Kamaji, I must find Yubaba. I must free Zeniba and save Haku." her eyes fell to the dirt floor, where the sootballs were whispering in sympathy. "There is no one else to do this. I am willing to take the consequence of the bracelets, but if there is a chance, even the slightest of chances that the bracelets will help, then I am willing to take it."  
  
She held out her hands, her dark eyes steady upon Kamaji's glasses. He faltered, the bracelets clinking with excitement in his hand, and then reached out and put them into her open palms.  
  
As they fell into her hand, she felt their weight against her skin. Her mouth set in a determined line, she clipped them around her wrists, first one and then the other. As the gold bands encircled her arms, she felt a strange rush of warmth bathe her from head to toe. And as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone; and she was standing in the cold, silent boiler room with Kamajii.  
  
"Thank you, Kamajii." She gave her 'grandfather' a tight hug.  
  
"Don't thank me." He shook his head, his voice gravelly with emotion. "But promise me that you will be careful, little Chihiro."  
  
"I promise."  
  
* * *  
  
When she returned to the main hall, she found the Bathhouse workers silently gathered around the table where the map was. Her bag was packed, a warm winter coat draped over it, and the map rolled and placed in a water- tight pouch.  
  
Chihiro took a deep breath as she approached the waiting frogs and workers. She bit her lip, her heart thumping in her chest. 'I can't believe I'm doing this.' She thought, her hands brushing over the warm coat and the pack. 'I must be insane.'  
  
"Everything is ready, Sen." Rin hesitated, her eyes strangely bright. "You can leave tomorrow. or the next day if you want."  
  
Chihiro looked at the hopeful faces around her, faces that were already growing gaunt from the food rationing and the long, cold nights. "No." she shook her head lightly. "I'll go now. Thank you everyone." She bowed to them and they returned her bow.  
  
Rin looked surprised. "Now? But."  
  
Chihiro smiled weakly as she pulled the big coat on, surprised at its weight. She shouldered the pack and took a deep breath. "The sooner I leave, the sooner l'll find Haku and Granny and Yu-baaba."  
  
They silently escorted her to the bottom of the Bathhouse, where Kamajii and the soot-balls joined her. Rin opened a door adjacent to Kamajii's boiler room to reveal a set of stairs which lead to outside, into the snow. As she stepped out of the door, her boots crunched in the sparkling snow. The sun had made a rare appearance, turning the Spirit World a brilliant white.  
  
She turned to Rin, Kamajii and the workers, a brave smile on her lips. "Don't worry, everyone. I'll be back before you can say 'bath token'!"  
  
She quickly hugged Kamajii once more, trying to ignore the glistening tear she saw slip past the dark spectacles. Turning to Rin, she hugged her old partner and good friend once more.  
  
Rin's voice hitched as she whispered, "You'd better come back, you little clutz."  
  
Chihiro adjusted the straps on her knapsack and started out across the snowy, white plains towards the train tracks, heading East. The frog- workers had given her an old compass, which she held tightly inside her coat pocket. As she reached the ice-covered train tracks, she turned to look back at the Bathhouse once more. Her friends were still there, silent and watching, and she waved one last time.  
  
She was their last hope. And as she slipped across the icy tracks, a cruel wind freezing her ears, she had never felt quite so lonely in all her life. 


End file.
